I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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