they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
