I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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