Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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