She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
