based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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