They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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