Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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