the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
