He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
