got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
