When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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