A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
