I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
