Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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