I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
she looked like the before picture.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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