how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
