Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
