just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
