watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
