Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
This baby is an asshole
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
