her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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