nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
