my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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