Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
