quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
