You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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