I'm going to jail i love you
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
