ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
