All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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