honey bunches of taint.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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