Pregnant stripper...not hot.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Randomize
