it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
