I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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