I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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