Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
