I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
