Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
