After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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