Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
