Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
