This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
