she was so not down for the gang bang
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
