i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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