Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You work out of a Hotel?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
