Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
