A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
