Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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