'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
