he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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