i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
