AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
