If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
