Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
my being single is dangerous.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
