I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
