i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
